Capturing moments - when the Canon Powershot is indispensible

I'm not sure what inspired them, but last night the kids broke out in song following dinner. Ariel has become obsessed with Puff the Magic Dragon - she absolutely loves the song and will listen to it over and over again. It's cute although we are really looking forward to when she develops a broader repertoire of music.

Because of sacred time, I was right there able to capture it on our Canon Powershot - which has all the functionality of the Flip AND is an incredible still camera - thanks Best Buy!



Benjamin stayed in tune while creating his own funny lyrics. Even better, he's learning to play Puff on the piano so I think a full rendition of the song is in my future. Sometimes my kids teach me how to parent them. Since I love to perform and can sing and play piano, I'll sometimes join in to "help" Benjamin on the piano or in singing something. He's pretty clear - he'll ask for help when he wants it and the rest of the time, he'd like me to let him work it out. Humbling, but appropriate, no? What do your children teach you about parenting?

Home invasion - how we manage kids’ time with TVs and computers

Computers, TV and video games are fun. Addictive, time draining, brain zoning fun…and even the WII, whose games apparently get kids moving around still involves the television or computer monitor. From watching our kids we know that they, like us, zone out when the TV has their attention. It’s clear that their brains are taking a break. The computer is a bit better – they can interact with it, but I still intuitively feel it’s not as good as playing a game, running in the yard or reading a book.



Before our kids could ask for it, we decreed our home a video-console free zone. This was also before the WII which I must admit I want to own. Benjamin and Taylor envy the Nintendo DS whenever they see it – in fact, it’s led to more interactions with the snarly version of Benjamin than I care to recall.


During the school year, the kids understand that the rule is no TV or computer during the week except for homework. Saturday and Sunday have a two hour daily max, except for football season – which has a one-game max. There’s not a lot of time for them to watch TV during the week and I don’t see the reason for it. Of course, I’m not home with the kids – and neither is anyone else. They’re in school, day care, activities or playing with friends or each other. I appreciate how an in-the-home mom needs a break and a little TV every day apparently doesn’t hurt pre-schoolers as long as the parent controls the programming. Blue’s Clues and Dora are in…Ninja Turtles…not so much. Thank God for TiVo and every DVR that copied it.

We’re not alone in our determination for our kids to learn to entertain themselves and each other without electronics. President Obama regaled the NAACP last week about how we need to raise our children. People who are angry that he singled out the Xbox are missing the point of his lecture. I’m not sure the President of the United States should be focused on parenting and I hope he neither taxes nor regulates it.

We’re going to break down on our gaming console ban soon – we’re planning a 16-20 hour drive from San Francisco to Big Sky, Montana. Peace and quiet in the car requires extreme measures…like a console that plugs into the car DVD system and allows the kids to vary their entertainment. That said, I’ve asked the installer for an “all-off” button so that Mom and Dad in the front seat can shut off all electronics and ensure that our kids notice the majesty of the Rockies and Yellowstone.

How much TV and computer time is in your child’s life and how do you ration it?

The answer is more sleep. What's the question?

My friend Laurette had a two month old daughter and called me on the carpet with “you bitch (smile in voice)! How could you not tell me what to do with my screaming daughter when you knew the answer?“ The answer is more sleep. Now, what is the question?

Laurette’s daughter was screaming when she was put down. She thought she was putting the baby down too early and she didn’t want to go to sleep. It’s a logical, adult conclusion. And completely wrong.

We learned early on that sleep begets sleep. To have (relatively) happy children, a good bet is more sleep starting as young as possible. For Laurette this meant putting her daughter down every night 15 minutes earlier and earlier until she found the hour where her daughter went to sleep with a few whimpers. Of course, her daughter slept through the night at 10 weeks or so. My kids needed to be forced to sleep through the night at 4 ½ months after I was ridiculed by the more seasoned moms in my first office.

After my first child was born and I returned to work, I was dragging because I had a nursing baby waking up at 2:00am to nosh. The other office moms laughed at me and I asked to know the joke.

• First child, you jump out of bed when they whimper to check if they are okay. You nurse and comfort them as needed until you are utterly exhausted.


• Second child, you jump out of bed when they are really screaming and might wake up the first child. You nurse them if there is no other option to get them to sleep.


• Third child, you throw out the monitor.

All three children grow up just fine.


That night, I kissed my son goodnight, told him I would see him at 6:30 am and turned off the monitor. I slept soundly and at 6:30 am, he was happy to see me. I don’t actually know how many nights he cried at 2:00am, but I don’t think it lasted very long. We were both a lot happier on a full night’s sleep.

Sacred Time

As a day care mom, I used to leave work to pick up my children before day care closes at 6pm (until we had three kids, hired an au pair and then I left work at 5:30 to meet her at home by 6 after she picked everyone up). Over the last eight years, 5:30 - 7:30 pm has become sacred time. Without spending it with my kids, I get stressed and our lives get crazy.

5:30 because day care closes and after school activities end.

7:30 because it's bedtime so that my kids get the 11-12 hours they need per night to be energetic and well behaved at school, day care or camp the next day. Basically, so they're fun to be with rather than whiney, cranky monsters.

I've changed jobs every time I got pregnant and one-time, twice. And since my third most recent change (three kids, four changes), I've discussed my family time schedule with prospective hiring managers in my interviews. To their credit, they each told me that they would respect it and they each did.

It's ingrained in my schedule and that of my family and my colleagues. I recommend it to every parent. Because I do it 7 days a week, it's easy to plan on it. The kids know they are going to have time to talk, cuddle and play with me. Homework is checked and piano is practiced. The cell phone is off. The blackberry is charging. People don't call (except in emergencies). For 90-120 minutes per day, they have my full attention (other than cooking, bathing, reading - the normal chaos that goes into the witching hour).

My routine is not unusual - studies indicate children are getting daily time with their working parents. I figure - no one dies if I don't answer an email for 2 hours. And I reap the benefits because I need those cuddles and visits as much as they do - best stress reliever in the world.

Exasperating Eights

The terrible twos don’t come close to comparing with an enraged almost 8 year old. Every Thursday, my boys have a swim class. They’re at the same level but Taylor, the younger, is about to achieve his next “ribbon” and Benjamin is not. Benjamin learned this fact last week. Now showing: "Rage at Swim Lessons".

When I arrived – Benjamin was arguing with the instructor at the front desk about how he hates swimming and it’s stupid and he’s been working on the purple ribbon for over a year and he should have it. Privately, I completely agree with him that a year for a ribbon is too long between positive reinforcement events and I had spoken with the school about the pace. But my son was being disrespectful of his au pair who had asked him to swim and the instructors who were trying to teach him.

My approach was twofold: first, I asked the instructor when Benjamin received his prior ribbon and she confirmed September 2008. I asked Benjamin to tell me the current month and year and then confirm if a year had passed. Not quite. Second, I gave Benjamin a choice – he could sit on the bench next to me and not swim (and I was clearly not going to be warm and cuddly) or he could get in his trunks and go work on his purple ribbon. He chose to swim.

He’s a strong swimmer – he just prefers to play. Taylor, on the other hand, likes to practice sports until he masters skills. Different personalities lead to different outcomes. The instructors watched Benjamin closely this time and determined that he had all the skills – he just had to stop goofing off in order to be tested. It’s hard to be shown up by your younger brother – I understand Benjamin’s frustration.

The Talmud says we must teach our children to swim “Swimming both protects the child physically (from drowning) and also acts as a metaphor regarding independence.” (AllExperts.com). My son is learning that independence (the choice to play rather than practice) is earned and not always fun.

Food Fight

My eldest, Benjamin, is a proud, picky eater who traces his pickiness lineage right to his maternal grandpa. The doctor isn't worried, but that doesn't stop us from trying to instill healthy eating habits. It's the right thing to do, but it's led to some nasty food fights - which might just be over.

My mother always said she wasn't a short-order cook and I've adopted this philosophy. Benjamin learned how to cook SmartDogs in order to feed himself - which was fine until I read Better Safe than Soy about the impact of how much soy is in the American diet (think cows and chicken feed). With our family cancer tendencies, I knew I had to reduce the daily consumption of SmartDogs.

Thus began the family food fight - the battle of wills. I don't want to fight with my son every night. Long term, I cannot win this fight because he has to make healthy food choices himself. And frankly, I was stumped until yesterday.

After taking Taylor to the track yesterday, I wasn't sure if running a mile is a good thing for a 5 year old to do - so I looked at CrossFit Kids for the kids WOD. Suffice to say - a lot less than one mile.

CrossFit kids has a section called "sane nutrition for kids in 150 words". I read it out loud to Taylor. Benjamin heard it. And this morning, Benjamin went running with me (only let him do 800M). After running, he told me that he needs to start eating healthier if he wants to run faster and further. The 150 words made sense to him!

Here is Sane nutrition for kids in 150 words" from CrossFit Kids (emphasis mine) -

Our goal with kids isn't to get them on the zone, but to get them to think and make good choices about what they eat. Our goal is to teach them very basic concepts, sugar is bad, protein is good and you need to eat some in every meal. Nuts and seeds are good fats. Eat them, don't avoid them. Pasta, white bread, and white rice are not that good for you, stuff that's red, yellow, green and found in the fruit and vegetable aisle is good for you. Eat a lot of it.

Look at your plate, make a fist, eat that much meat every meal; turn your hand over and fill it with nuts and seeds, eat that much good fat, fill the rest of your plate with stuff you found in the fruit and vegetable aisle. Fill your plate this way at every meal, don't eat more.

Try reading it out loud with your kids sometime you aren't fighting about food. Let me know if it works for you. I'll let you know if Benjamin follows through.

You are not alone

This morning, a work friend was clearly upset about something when she came into my office. She's doing the step-mom thing - which I think is probably a lot harder than the mom thing. And the mom thing is pretty tough. I asked if she was okay and she asked me to tell her something funny instead of talking about whatever happened with the kids at home yesterday or this morning. So I shared my amazement at the endurance and speed on my five year old on the track.

My story was about this morning's workout - I'm doing CrossFit on my quest to return my body to the size and weight it previously maintained prior to the three kids. I'm only trying to lose 15 pounds - but I have new respect for everyone who tries to lose weight. Anyway, my son Taylor asked if he could spend more time with me today so I invited him to join me for today's WOD (workout of the day) - 5 sets for time of 400 meter sprints and 15 overhead squats (with 95 lbs - no chance - I did it with 20 and I'm proud). Taylor didn't keep up on the first sprint and became my time keeper on the second one. Then he asked me if I could be his time keeper. His first 400M = 2:30. Second 400M = 2:12. Third 400M = 2:11. Then we walked to cool down and he wanted to know if he ran a mile. Since he hadn't, he wanted to do the last 400M split. Did that one in 2:11. He's 45" tall! I figure by the time he's 9, he'll be doing this in 1:30 or something. And his brother is a runner too - so now he wants to be timed.

In any case - my story of the track led to other practical parenting stories - some already on this blog, others to come. She smiled and laughed. She found lots of ideas that she could apply with the step-kids. And she realized that the issues, whatever they are, are common across kids and parents.

Too often I talk with other women who feel alone in their parenting adventure - joined only by her spouse/partner (hopefully). I'm incredibly lucky - I made a dear friend during the months leading to the birth of each of our first children and we've kvelled and been exasperated together over the last 8 years of our friendship. I have another friend (over 20 years) who is about a year ahead of me with her first. Thank God for these two women who are my sounding boards and sanity checks. I think they're both planning guest posts to the blog...stay tuned.

So many of my friends and acquaintances share their feelings of loneliness, exasperation or embarrassment about discussing some of the more frustrating or gross things that happens when raising kids. Everyone seems to feel like their kid is the only one who does this maddening thing. Not really ever the case - you just have to find the other people who've been through that already.

My suggestion is to tell everyone you can what's going on. The benefits - quickly you'll find someone who's faced the same thing and has an idea; when you give something a voice it stops being so loud in your head; most of these things are funny. And as they say in Free to be You and Me - "It's alright to cry...it's gonna make you feel better."